Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Randomize
