I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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