hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
