i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
