the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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