I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
