He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
