Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
