Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
