mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
