I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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