i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
