Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
