im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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