I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
you never un-have a 4some
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
