hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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