my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
