you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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