apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
