Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
