I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
