WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
