girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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