five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
