I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
