so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
