The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
