so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
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