Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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