I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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