Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
