My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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