ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
