im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
