Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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