Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
