is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
