if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
