I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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