Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
