Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
dude. I can hear the air.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
