lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
