I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
