Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
