guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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