the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize