What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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