it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
