I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She bit a glass in half.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
