yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
