I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
