I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
