Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize