Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
