I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
