The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you traded sex for a burrito?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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