Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
