No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
