I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
