After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
