We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
