Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
