he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
