U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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