maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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