did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We have so much sex to catch up on
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
