what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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