Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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