All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
