he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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