I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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