In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I believe in your delicious
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
