And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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