Girls should come with a carfax report
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
