i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
