You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
