Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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