i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
