It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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