$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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