I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
