I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
