she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
