if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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