remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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