I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
