Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
