a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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