im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
When are your genitals available?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
