If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
