The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
