Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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