Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
