guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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