I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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