Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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