I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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