do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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