The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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