Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
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