oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
