Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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