the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
