He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ðŸ‘ðŸ¼
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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